11th of May, 2022. 37 years old. Taken. Father of two.

My birth name is Bruno Miguel Fernandes De Sousa. I was born in the North of Portugal, in Vila Nova De Gaia, Oporto District. Currently living in Scotland, Fraserburgh, Aberdeenshire. Even though my name is Bruno I have been given other names in the past: “China” and “Apax” are the ones I have been more used to throughout my life. Each nickname with a different story behind it, each nickname with dozens of memories attached to them. Because that’s what’s behind a name or a nickname – The stories, the memories, the times, places and people. And that’s exactly what I’m wanting to immortalize by doing this exercise. This exercise of searching deep into my memories to bring stories back to life . It came to my mind one day that every common mortal man’s memories, legends, exist only in two particular “places”: They’re either imprinted in our brains individually, as part of our own experience of existence, or in someone else’s brain when they’ve been part, or somehow related to our experiences. Although this is factual, both of this “places” cease to exist at some point. What will then be left of this memories? What will be left of us? When the last person that used to know us ceases to exist after we’re no longer here what will be then left of us? Nothing. Does that not sound sad? Meaningless? It does to me. And it’s the idea of not existing one day that haunts me as I get and feel older. Self-love, seeking knowledge, so many sacrifices, so many experiences to collect and share and all that for what? Nothin? “Life is just a ride”. “Enjoy life while your alive”. “Try to live a happy life”. That’s it. Why complain? We just carry on with our lives and ignore the big picture... Nevertheless, it all just seems deeply empty and sad to me. And that’s what moves me to write today. In this memory exercise I’ll go through some memories from my childhood, my 20’s and then early 30’s. No much point bringing back too many memories from my teenager years because, apart from one or two major events, I can today understand that those years were either disturbing, boring, mostly sad and confusing. Wich to a certain or fairly significant extent, are quite common traits of a growing childs adolescence stage.